My wife Betsy and I have had quite a year.
She has been
laid off twice this year, and I have had multiple surgeries and scary
medical events that just keep on going. A really mean recession also has its
foot on everyone's wallet, and weighs in with a daily negative undercurrent
that can drag down everything else, so it's easy to get lost in the drama.
It's enough to drive a person nuts.
To be more specific, it's enough to make a person fearful, anxious, defensive, paranoid and self-centered, all of which are normal human reactions to deep distress and lots of losses. Trouble is, that's no way to live over any length of time, because you really can drown in your sorrows if you can't figure out how to swim.
So I want to share with you how I stumbled upon a cure for the blues, something that works no matter what.
It's to give more.
No, I haven't joined the Boy Scouts or a new church, and I'm not putting on a smiley-face to hide the pain.
I have found that giving more is an antidepressant/aphrodisiac/calmative/digestive aid/purpose-inducing/anxiety-lowering/sleep-restoring cure for just about everything that ails us. It is a magic bullet that can probably even cure the common cold or warm a cold heart.
It snuck up on me.
Coaching company executives is part of my work, and I noticed one day that I had started giving a little extra time to clients in our coaching sessions without even thinking about it.
Once I noticed how I felt about doing that, I decided the next step would be to let no good deed go unappreciated; I started speaking up and giving a verbal appreciation whenever anyone did anything right, anything good. Everyone qualifies -- friends, clients, grocery store clerks, mailmen, even used car salesmen. I simply say, "Thank you for ______________. I really appreciate it."
This felt so good that I decided my wife could use some extra love with all that's going on, so I started looking for ways to ease her way, do more than my share, to give her more of everything she likes. Let's just say that the feedback was... satisfying.
Dang, this feels so good that I realize I hardly have any time left to feel afraid or sorry for myself. Guess I'll have to schedule it.
When I'm busy giving more, my primitive, tight emotions relax into joy, connection and peace of mind. I really like how the pinched look on someone's face drops away and they smile really big just because I took a moment to give them a positive jolt. I'm having a blast spreading a little more love in my business, and I am crazy-happy about how my marriage gets better and better.
Perhaps these times could become the best of times instead of the worst of times. Maybe we have a choice about that. What would happen if we all give a little more? How would doing that transform the mighty toils and troubles of the world?
I double-dare you.